Hair photos

I know I'm completely past due for photos of my hair but hey I started a new job and needed to adjust. In the following photos I had a curly faux hawk or fro hawk which ever you prefer. In the next photos I'm doing coils which I only like on longer hair. I don't think it looks so hot on me. The Third photo was after wearing two strand twists for a week I took them down and shoved a head band around it to pin back the sides. The final picture is a faux hawk too. I went to an 80's party and it really worked.

I personally like the beautiful textures shampoo. You have to try a few things to see what works for you. I hope this helps someone else. If you have questions ask me. I don't have an easy time with my hair all of the time but I'm doing pretty well. I'm trying to get pictures of all my hairstyles so I can track growth and such.

Work and the natural hair

I've been looking every where for professional hairstyles that match my hair length but I just can't seem to find any that I can do myself. If I haven't mentioned it I got a job I was going for and its in a doctors office. I've been wearing weaves lately as a protective style and its a style that I love. I'm going to try an add a picture so anyone reading can see. 

I'm excited for this new position, its something completely new to me and I can't wait to see if its something I could love. While I'm growing out my hair I feel less attractive not because people say short hair isn't sexy which I believe it can be, I don't feel as attractive with short hair. My best friend is like a sister to me and she hates doing her hair and had her husband shave it off one day and she looked amazing. I wish I could carry that look and feel beautiful but I know that I would be depressed and feel so very unattractive. 

Like I've said before I'm loving my decision to go natural and I wouldn't change it for the world but I do wish I had more length. The shrinkage is what's kicking my ass. This journey has made me realize a few things about myself. I'm beautiful no matter what my hair looks like. I grew up being teased because of my hair and wanting to be like everyone else I damaged it repeatedly because I didn't know how to take care of it. I'm glad that my hair has been so forgiving and I'm going to do right by it this time. Relaxed or natural just be happy with you. Others will try to beat you down but don't let them. 

Some (not all) naturals and non naturals are being ignorant against each other. I've heard arguments for both sides and I don't knock anyone for their decision. I saw a special on tv the other day with women saying weaves are evil, and I'm thinking that's right the devil created weaves just to trap people (note sarcasm). Ignorance is a powerful thing. Yes I'm pro natural but that's for me not for the world. I want everyone to see beauty in themselves. My next post will probably only be a few pictures of hairstyles.

Possible Direction? Curly or Straight?

I know I haven't posted much of anything lately and I'm sure the two people who are actually reading this aren't mad at me but I figured I would add a few things because I just want to say stuff without people knowing me. I don't really care if any one judges. I find it funny that people say they don't judge but they really do.

Anyways, life hasn't been dreadful but it hasn't been wonderful either. I have a small sense of direction now when it comes to my hair. I find that I like blogging about it.. There are times when I really do hate it. I started by transitioning in May 2013 and continued on until around January or February 2014 when I got tired of the transition and cut off the rest of my relaxed hair. I was so happy to finally be rid of it but waited for the oh my God what I have I done moment. It didn't happen right away but eventually it did. My hair was crazy short in the front maybe about 2 inches long and I couldn't do much with it. I started to question myself but eventually just stopped. 

My hair has very tight curls, I thought coils and not curls but my hair stylist said my hair was curly so I said ok. I started to notice that the curls on the very top of my head weren't as tight as the rest of the curls on the sides and back and again this caused me distress because what was wrong with my hair that it wasn't all the same. That's when I realized I shaved the part that has the tight curls but not the part with the loose curls. I was confused at what to do. Do I shave my whole head and start again loosing a year or do I just work with what I have and hope for the best? I've decided to work with it and hope for the best. 

The hair in the front just reached to the middle of my fore head. I would have to really gel and spritz it to keep it laying down but now it reaches just below my eyes. Like everyone I'm dealing with shrinkage but I know that I have length and I'm now looking for hairstyles that will help show case it. My hair is long enough to bantu knot it again and I'm excited about that. I think I might start posting pictures of my hair.

My confusion about natural hair

I've decided to focus on one of the few things I can control in my life at the moment which is my hair. I have been natural for a year now and my hair reaches my shoulders when its stretched to because I have natural curly hair. 

I just read Better Than Good Hair by Nikki Walton who is the founder of the website curlynikki.com. I have to say it was a good read and made me feel more comfortable with my hair. There was a section in there about how our hair can effect our moods and outlook on life. I never thought the state of my hair could cause me and issue until I stopped and looked at the situation. 

I've talked to some of my natural friends too and my best friend who feels like a sister to me and she said she has been so depressed lately because of her hair. I was extremely shocked, I knew she always hated hair but now to be depressed over it is a lot. Some might ask why wont she shave it off and I know she wants to but she wont because her husband asked her not to. She is bringing her ass to my house tomorrow and we are going to two strand twist the hell out of her hair. 

I've read so many different things people want us to do for natural hair saying that it works for them but I sit here and think my mom didn't do half of what some of these people are trying to do and my hair was braided past my shoulders.  She braided my hair every Sunday night and I would go to school all week she would take it down Friday night and wash it on Saturday and then braided again on Sunday night. She did that every week until the summer I went to 7th grade which was back in 1997.

I was so ashamed of my natural hair back then because everyone would pick on me. My cousins would say hurtful things and other kids at school would hurt my feelings because my hair wasn't "permed". I felt so wrong then and I sit here thinking I wish I knew then what I knew now. I wasn't looking how thin and damaged their hair was, I was only thinking how straight and easy to comb it was.  I started over from scratch a year ago and so far I'm very happy with my decision

Some of my favorite quotes

I mentioned sharing a few of my favorite quotes. Here are just a few that I have posted on my FB. I keep a file full of them because at different times different things can inspire. I put them in no particular order but I do really love the first one I shared here today. Who ever reads this I hope you can get some inspiration from here 

"Life and death; energy and peace if I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I have made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it for having been allowed to walk where I've walked. Which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it and above..." Gia Marie Carangi

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin

"When it comes to matters of the heart, all logic goes out the window." Otis Williams

If I hold back, I'm no good. I'm no good. I'd rather be good sometimes, than holding back all the time.
Janis Joplin

"I spoke your name out into the Universe and I claimed you as my own." Pep

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” Marilyn Monroe

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss

"Well behaved women rarely make history." Marilyn Monroe

"Hey cancer, you picked the wrong bitch." Unknown

What is beauty?

I've been having conversations with different friends about what determines if someone is beautiful. We constantly hear that beauty is only skin deep or true beauty is on the inside but that doesn't help some of us get dates.

I like to think I'm fairly attractive, I'm not saying I could be a super model because I'm way to short for that but I am beautiful in my own right. I'm not a size one at all and I don't think anyone should be that tiny but it seems like anyone over a size 2 isn't beautiful and I know that's not true because I'm a size 7 and I'm gorgeous. I'm not hating on the super slims but for me its not  a good look. I remember when I was that small and you could see my ribs and other bones and I didn't think it was attractive on me. 

My hair is also pretty short at the moment and at times I don't feel as attractive as I normally would. I've been wearing braids and weaves more often now to protect my hair during this fragile time and also because its so short I don't feel as beautiful as my friends and family say I am. Times have changed when a size 10 was the average in the 50's and now its a size three. Body size has gotten smaller and bust size has gotten bigger as well. Real or fake doesn't matter but breasts are out of control now. Hell plastic surgery has gotten out of control.  

I know I'm just rambling now but stick with me for a bit. Teenagers have been turning into plastics for a while now. When I was in high school almost 11 years ago I only knew one person who had a nose job and that's because she was tired of wearing a mask so she could breath at night. Girls are getting boob jobs as graduation gifts and they aspire to be playmates now. I'm sure playmates make a lot of money I'm not knocking them in any way but I remember being in history class reading about women who just wanted jobs that paid $3 a week. I think as a country our physical priorities have gone to hell. I'm not going to talk about politics or economics because I'm not there yet but our state governors election is this year so there is a chance that may come out. 

I'm done with this rant for today. My point is don't be made because you can't get down to a size 2. Many of us aren't made to be a size 2 and I know some smaller women who wish they could be a size 6 but can't pack on the pounds. Be happy with you and if you aren't happy then do something about it. Don't do any crazy weight loss programs without consulting a doctor and everyone doesn't look good with blond hair so stop and take an extra look in the mirror

My black is beautiful

I know my topics here are very random but this is a version of therapy for me. I see someone for my craziness twice a month and this was suggested as a way of finding a way to saying things and not worrying about if someone is hearing me or not. So lets get on with it. 

I have been going natural since May 2013 and as of February 2014 I'm completely natural. In case you are wondering yes I am a black woman. When my hair is stretched or straightened it reaches my shoulders but when its dry I have to deal with shrinkage all of the time. I'm currently attempting to get up for my last few days of work (check previous post) and my hair is curled tights and sitting just below my ears.

For the longest time I though my hair was nappy like so many others say about their hair but it wasn't until I actually started letting my natural hair grow out that I realized I don't have nappy hair, I have curly and coiled hair. I've been told all of my life that I have good hair and I still don't know what that means. I've always thought hair was hair there are just many different textures and feels to it.  I grew up believing that if my hair wasn't straight then it wasn't right and then I saw the documentary Black Girls and everything they said kind of clicked home for me. 

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that relaxed hair is wrong at all, for a long time it made my hair easier to manage. What I'm actually trying to say is Relaxers no longer work for me. My scalp was suffering and my hair wasn't growing as well anymore. I was starting to have some real issues and then one day I said no more, I'm done. Some days I think about get it relaxed and other days I think about shaving it off. I'm going to see this through though

A New Start

I'm starting over. I've deleted all of my old posts because I'm starting new.

For the last 3 years I've been in a state of professional instability. There were lay offs left and right and I've been waiting for it to finally happen to me. The company I work for sold my division to a new company that is a branch of another major company and we knew not everyone would make it. Around October I found out I'm not going to the new company but instead they want a few of us to stay to work on a specific product. Many of knew that meant we wouldn't have jobs at some point so I began the job search.

On February 27th the call came that I will be part of the "resource action" meaning you wont have a job soon. My last day will be April 30. The hardest part in all of this is asking for help because I don't do so well with that but I had to suck it up and go to my parents and explain what happened. I really felt like a failure. My mom said, "Monique its ok. If you need to move back home just let us know." After that we found out the house my roommates and I were renting is being sold and they were giving us until May 1st which was about 61 days. I'm going to be 29 next month and I'm moving back home to stay with my parents until I have a job.

A week after I got the notice I found the perfect job which I applied for and even had an interview last week. I was so nervous and I still am. I was told they would notify us of their decision in a few weeks as they had other people to interview. I'm trying to remain positive and keep the faith. I am a Christian and I'm waiting like I was told to and I have faith that God will bring me through this without a problem.